Blog

Parting Ways? Get in Gear with Our 10-Step Divorce Checklist

Posted on Jan 17, 2018 in Dallas Divorce, Divorce, Divorce and Business, Divorce and Privacy, Texas Family Law

Parting Ways? Get in Gear with Our 10-Step Divorce Checklist

If you have decided to file for divorce or your spouse has already filed, taking time to organize your thoughts and plan next steps is essential. As with any big challenge, a checklist can set the wheels in motion and keep you on track. To help prepare, the Connatser Family Law team has created a handy divorce checklist to guide you.

10-Step Divorce Checklist

Step 1: Organize financial records and pull credit reports.

It’s important to analyze what assets and debts are at stake during a divorce. Key financial records to track down include:

  • Bank accounts.
  • 401ks, IRAs (individual retirement accounts), pensions and other retirement accounts.
  • Investment accounts.
  • Trust accounts.
  • Stock portfolios.
  • Wills
  • Safe deposit boxes.
  • Insurance policies (auto, home, health, life, etc.).
  • W2s and other tax documents.
  • Logins and passwords for financial accounts.

It can also be helpful for both spouses to pull their credit reports to make sure all outstanding debts (credit cards, medical bills, auto loans, etc.) are taken into account.

Step 2: Hire a divorce attorney.

This step may sound obvious, but it’s one that shouldn’t be taken lightly. Your divorce lawyer is the key person who will help formulate a divorce strategy to align with your goals. Interviewing multiple attorneys prior to hiring one can help ensure attorney and client are on the same page.

Check out Aubrey’s recent post, Wealthy and Getting Divorced? 6 Essential Tips for Hiring a Divorce Attorney, for additional insight.

Step 3: Set the tone early on.

If your goal is to have an amicable divorce, then you should communicate that intention from the get-go. When possible, it’s typically best to personally ask your spouse for a divorce as opposed to serving him or her with papers first. During the conversation, explain that you want to settle the divorce amicably, avoid high legal fees and treat each other fairly. Hearing these sentiments can help put your spouse’s mind at ease and get the process off to an amicable start.

If you fear for your and/or your children’s safety, take precautions. Abby provides advice in this recent post:

How to Leave an Abusive Relationship and Protect Your Kids.

Step 4: Decide how and when to tell the children.

Do so with the other parent if possible. Divorce can be especially hard on children. In fact, some kids even believe they are at fault for their parents’ divorce. Psychotherapist Linda Solomon, LPC, LCDC, LMFT shares invaluable advice here: Break the News with Care: How to Tell Kids You’re Getting Divorced.

Step 5: Sort out living arrangements and budgetary details.

Obviously, you need to figure out where each spouse (and children if you have them) will live. Who stays in the family home and for how long? Will you take turns or will someone move to an apartment or live with their parents? It typically proves beneficial to establish a budget, including living expenses and any other financial obligations, during the early stages of a divorce.

Christine explains how living arrangements and other issues related to divorce are handled in her post: Calling It Quits? The Top 12 Things You Need to Know About Divorce in Texas.

Step 6: Change passwords and create a new email account.

While you can’t delete email, text, phone or social media accounts – such spoliation of evidence is illegal – you can change passwords on accounts that belong exclusively to you. This step is critical because it can deter your spouse from accessing those accounts and your private information – especially correspondence related to the divorce with your lawyer or other trusted professionals.

Step 7: Untangle yourself from the family’s cloud-based accounts.

If you, your spouse and/or your children share a cloud account (phones, tablets, computers, etc.), get a new phone and set up an account of your own. If you don’t, your spouse may be able to access your private information through the cloud or through the children’s digital devices. Aubrey provides essential information in these previous posts:

Beware of Hidden Dangers Lurking in the Cloud

Don’t Let the Cloud Scuttle Your Divorce: 9 Vital Tips

Step 8: Create a new, shared calendar if you have kids.

Your existing shared calendar may be tied to the family’s cloud account. If you’re getting divorced, it’s best to start fresh. A variety of shared calendars are available online, like Our Family Wizard. Some Texas Family Court judges actually require divorcing couples to communicate through the shared calendar available with Our Family Wizard. With shared calendars divorcing couples can keep track of their children’s:

  • Extracurricular practices and events.
  • Doctor appointments.
  • Homework and project deadlines.
  • School photo days.
  • Family vacations and more.

Step 9: Consider getting a P.O. box.

If your spouse can access your personal mail at the family residence, and you don’t want him or her to do so, a P.O. box may be the ideal solution. You can limit access to yourself, so your divorce attorney and others can send written correspondence to you discreetly.

Step 10: Establish a solid support system.

Remember, your divorce attorney isn’t a therapist. He or she is your resource for legal guidance. If you need emotional support or advice on how to cope with fears, anxiety, and heartache, reach out to a family therapist or member of the clergy for insight. Close family members, friends and divorce support groups can also provide encouragement.

Don’t Stop There

While this divorce checklist is a great place to start, every divorce is unique. A reputable family law attorney can provide the comprehensive legal guidance and resources needed to address your individual circumstances.

Since founding Connatser Family Law in 2013, Aubrey Connatser and her team have firmly established the next in a line of great Texas divorce and family law firms. To learn more about divorce and child custody in Dallas and Collin Counties, please call 214-306-8441 to speak confidentially with a knowledgeable and compassionate member of the Connatser Family Law team.

Photo Source: Adobe Stock

Don’t Worry, Be Happy: How to Set the Stage for an Amicable Divorce

Posted on Jan 11, 2018 in Connatser Family Law, Dallas Divorce, Divorce

Don’t Worry, Be Happy: How to Set the Stage for an Amicable Divorce

By Christine Powers Leatherberry

Getting a divorce is never easy, but opting to settle marital and child custody disputes amicably typically helps couples save time, money and unnecessary emotional duress. If pursuing an amicable divorce is preferable to you, consider talking through the following strategies with your divorce attorney.

No. 1: Set a positive tone early on.

When setting the stage for an amicable divorce, it’s typically best to personally tell your spouse you want a divorce, so they aren’t surprised. During that conversation, it can also be helpful to explain that you want to settle the divorce amicably, keep legal fees low and treat him or her fairly. Hearing these sentiments can help put the opposing party’s mind at ease.

No. 2: Follow through on promises to be amicable and fair.

Actions speak louder than words. For example, making sure your spouse has enough money in the bank to hire a divorce attorney and pay for expenses speaks volumes. Draining financial accounts and closing out credit cards, so the other party has no money for legal costs and basic needs, will almost guarantee a contentious divorce.

No. 3: Be transparent about your plans.

If you are considered the monied spouse in the marriage, being transparent regarding how you plan to provide for the non-monied spouse following divorce can go a long way toward easing the blow of divorce. For example, someone who has been a homemaker for 30 years and has a minimal grasp of finances may be understandably frightened when their spouse files for divorce.

In this scenario, the right thing to do may be to pay spousal maintenance or alimony for a period of time, even if the spouse wouldn’t necessarily qualify for that support under the law. Doing so can help set the stage for an amicable divorce and an amicable relationship going forward.

No. 4: Try to resolve differences directly with your spouse.

In most cases, couples who get along and make agreements are more likely to avoid going to court. That doesn’t mean you don’t need a divorce attorney to ensure the legal aspects of your case are handled properly, but hashing out issues one-on-one, without lawyers involved, can help keep legal fees and emotions in check. It can also keep the divorce process moving along in an expeditious manner.

No. 5: Proactively communicate about children’s needs and be willing to trade time with each other.

Child custody and possession schedules can become a bone of contention when parents don’t strive to co-parent amicably during (and after) a divorce. Shared calendars like Our Family Wizard or even a basic Google calendar can help keep everyone on the same page. Diligently sharing information about doctor visits and school activities, as well as making sure the child’s homework folder goes back and forth between homes, can help reduce the likelihood of conflict.

We also encourage clients to be sensitive to the other parent’s desire to spend time with children during special events and holidays. For example, you could invite the other parent to go trick-or-treating with you as a family for Halloween or offer to share a couple of hours on Christmas morning. Extending the olive branch can buy considerable goodwill going forward.

No. 6: Utilize outside experts to resolve conflicts.

No matter how well you and your spouse get along, divorce can still be emotionally trying for both the adults and children. It’s also unlikely that the two of you will agree on how to resolve every issue.

Instead of going to court, a family counselor or clergy member can be a great resource to help adults and kids deal with emotional struggles and provide children with the tools they need to cope.

Many couples rely on parent coordinators, parent facilitators, and even education consultants to help sort through or negotiate concerns regarding children’s medical, extracurricular, vacation, tutoring, schooling and other needs. These professionals can help couples overcome roadblocks and avoid going to court.

No. 7: Evaluate “friendly” divorce options with your attorney.

In Texas, most judges require couples to go through mediation before going to court to litigate a divorce. If you’re hoping to settle your divorce amicably, mediation is a great place to attempt to resolve your case. Instead of relying on a judge to make decisions regarding your case, with mediation, couples work with a mediator (often a former family court judge) to help facilitate their divorce agreement.

Collaborative divorce is another option available to couples in the state of Texas. Unlike mediation – where couples typically sit in separate rooms and an impartial intermediary bounces back and forth attempting to negotiate an agreement – during the collaborative process, couples sit down together with their respective attorneys to hash out the details of their divorce.

Learn more about the pros and cons of collaborative divorce in this helpful post.

Seek out a family law attorney who supports your goals

If your goal is to end your marriage as gently and fairly as possible, be wary of divorce lawyers who discourage you from trying to work things out. Instead, seek out an attorney who is experienced in negotiating both amicable and contentious divorces and knowledgeable regarding strategies involved in mediation and collaborative law.

Christine Powers Leatherberry is a compassionate family lawyer who is equally comfortable in the courtroom as she is counseling her clients one-on-one. To learn more about divorce and child custody in Dallas and Collin Counties, please call 214-306-8441 to speak confidentially with a knowledgeable and considerate member of the Connatser Family Law team.

Photo Source: Adobe Stock

It’s No Secret – January Is Divorce Month – Here’s Why

Posted on Dec 26, 2017 in Dallas Divorce, Divorce, Texas Family Law, Uncategorized

It’s No Secret – January Is Divorce Month – Here’s Why

By Christine Powers Leatherberry

Every year divorce attorneys brace for it. Come January, we know our phones will be ringing off the hook. At Connatser Family Law, our paralegals typically field the most calls on January 2nd and throughout the first week in January. Some law firms say their phones are busiest the first day kids go back to school or the first weekday following winter break.

The label “Divorce Month” is a bit of a misnomer. For most divorce lawyers, the influx of calls continues into February and March, with actual divorce filings peaking in March, according to researchers from the University of Washington.

So why do so many people reach out to divorce lawyers in January?

Or February … or March? It depends. In fact, there are several reasons people “make the call” shortly after a new year commences.

They want to wait out the craziness of the holidays.

Filing for divorce during the holidays can be problematic because holidays are inherently hectic and loaded with competing demands. For many people considering divorce, it’s just easier – and less stressful – to wait.

They feel filing for divorce during the holidays, as on other special dates, would be insensitive.

Some people don’t want to put a damper on the holidays for their spouse or other loved ones, preferring to make the break after the dust of the holidays settles. This is the same reason people avoid filing on anniversaries, birthdays and other special occasions – they don’t want to tie a sad memory to a special date.

They want to wait until after the holidays for the sake of the children.

Some parents want to give their children one last, magical, happy Christmas or Hanukkah as an intact family. Holidays are made of memories and many parents don’t want their children to associate what should be a joyous time with their parents’ divorce.

Learn how to sensitively break the news to kids that you’re getting divorced in this past post.

They find that the holidays magnify existing marital problems.

To some, the holiday season can amplify feelings that a spouse isn’t supportive or doesn’t treat them special or help with the kids enough. These heightened sentiments combined with a case of the post-holiday blues can be a tipping point for some spouses.

They suspect their spouse has been unfaithful.

It isn’t unusual during the holidays for individuals who are having an affair to buy gifts or flowers for a paramour. Discovering credit card charges that the unfaithful party can’t explain can raise suspicions and, ultimately, expose infidelity.

Learn how cheating affects Texas divorces in this past post.

Divorce is a life-changing decision; proceed with caution

While the post-holiday months may be the most popular time to contact an attorney about divorce, that doesn’t mean it’s the best time for every couple – or you. There really is no good or perfect time to get divorced. It’s also important to recognize that divorce is a very personal, emotional and life-changing undertaking.

If you’re unhappy in your marriage, consider speaking with a marriage counselor or member of the clergy first. All marriages go through ups and downs, and counseling may help you and your spouse work through challenges and keep your marriage and family intact.

Should you find that your marriage is broken beyond repair, take time to find an experienced family law attorney who is equipped to represent you in a manner that aligns with your goals. No two lawyers or law firms are identical, so it’s a good idea to meet with at least two attorneys before making a decision.

Not sure how to find a lawyer who will best fit your needs? Check out our six essential tips for hiring a divorce attorney here.

Christine Powers Leatherberry is a compassionate family lawyer who is equally comfortable in the courtroom as she is counseling her clients one-on-one. To learn more about divorce and child custody in Dallas and Collin Counties, please call 214-306-8441 to speak confidentially with a knowledgeable and considerate member of the Connatser Family Law team.

Photo Source: Adobe Stock

Keep Calm and Parent On: 9 Essential Co-Parenting Tips During High Conflict Divorces

Posted on Nov 20, 2017 in Coparenting, Dallas Divorce, Divorce, Marriage, Parenting

Keep Calm and Parent On: 9 Essential Co-Parenting Tips During High Conflict Divorces

By Alissa Castro

During a high-conflict divorce, interacting with a future ex-spouse can be emotionally draining. However, when children are involved, minimizing contact – by phone, email or in person – typically isn’t an option. Parents need to communicate regularly about exchanges, soccer games, school projects, piano lessons, etc. – not to mention which parent will have possession of the children and when.

So how can couples successfully co-parent during the emotional rollercoaster of divorce – especially when one of the parents would rather escalate conflict than get along? At Connatser Family Law, we recommend the following nine tips.

Tip No. 1: Never forget – kids come first.

Divorce is stressful regardless of the circumstances, and it can be especially troubling for children. Before you say or do something, consider how those actions will affect the kids. Because children often have different perspectives than parents on topics during divorce, it can also be helpful to schedule time for children to meet with a family therapist or member of the clergy to discuss any concerns.

Find more helpful resources to help kids cope in this past post.

Tip No. 2: Don’t bad mouth the other parent.

One of the first pieces of advice we give parents: Don’t speak poorly of the other parent in front of the children and ask friends and family members to do the same. Be the bigger parent. Keep in mind that half of your child’s DNA comes from the other parent. If you disparage your spouse, the child may believe you think less of him or her, too.

Tip No. 3: Follow the Golden Rule.

Treat people the way you want to be treated and opt for the kill-them-with-kindness strategy. As Michelle Obama famously said, “When they go low, you go high.” We get it, taking the high road isn’t easy. However, you’re better off going into court with clean hands, without threats or nasty emails showing up in evidence, which is likely to position you unfavorably in the eyes of the judge.

Tip No. 4: Try to give the other parent the benefit of the doubt.

He or she will probably make mistakes, but so will you. For example, if the other parent is always five minutes late picking up the kids, ask yourself, is that a battle worth fighting? If the parent is consistently late on certain days and that tardiness is creating a problem for the child, maybe he or she has a good reason for being late.

Instead of attacking the other parent, bring the issue up directly with him or her. Explain how you are seeing a pattern on certain days or times and ask if adjusting your schedules could help. The goal here is to work together to co-parent like you’re still married. Collaborative problem solving and a willingness to work together – without attacking each other – is what your children need to see.

Tip No. 5: Resist escalating conflict.

In the midst of a high-conflict divorce, tensions are running high, and it can be tempting to send an angry text or email to the other party. By doing so, you’re just adding fuel to the fire, which isn’t healthy for anyone involved. Avoid responding immediately and take time to draft a thoughtful response before hitting send.

Any correspondence sent to your spouse can be submitted as evidence and you want to avoid damaging your case.

Tip No. 6: Utilize professionals to settle disagreements.

Whether your disagreements are few or the other parent refuses to co-parent with you in any way, a parent facilitator or coordinator can be a great resource. They can help parents work through communication issues and shift the focus to solutions that are in the best interest of the child.

Another strategy is to include tiebreakers in the custody agreement. With tiebreakers, “referees” are assigned to various scenarios, so parents can avoid going back to court. For example, the parents could agree to assign the child’s pediatrician to be a referee and make the call regarding whether or not their child has a procedure.

Tip No. 7: Face the facts – co-parenting is a long-term commitment.

Once the divorce is finalized, you’ll still need to co-parent for years to come. Even after the children graduate from high school and college, there will be holidays, birthdays, weddings, grandchildren and other milestones of which both parents will likely play a role. These occasions are much easier for the kids when parents remain cordial. Taking steps to solidify the co-parenting relationship during the divorce will pay off in the long run.

Check out six helpful tips for co-parenting during the holidays here.

Tip No. 8: Contact your divorce attorney about big issues or when you’re unsure of next steps.

While we encourage clients to try to work through minor issues with the other parent when possible, there are always cases where communication breaks down or where one party has grossly violated court orders. Reach out to your divorce attorney for advice.

For example, if the other parent has fallen far behind in paying child support, refuses to return the child or has threatened to hurt you or your child, that’s when your family law attorney can help you seek court intervention.

Tip No. 9: Call the police if you fear for your and/or your kids’ safety.

If your dispute with the other parent has escalated to a point where you are fearful of him or her, co-parenting peacefully and trying to resolve issues on your own could be dangerous. Should your spouse threaten to physically harm you or a member of your family, call 911. Then reach out to your attorney for help securing a restraining order or protective order, depending on the circumstances.

For additional tips on keeping yourself and your kids safe, check out these helpful posts:

Photo Source: Adobe Stock

Alissa Castro is an enthusiastic, young attorney with experience in a wide variety of legal venues. She has donated her services to several charitable causes including the Dallas Volunteer Attorney Program, Mississippi Volunteer Lawyer Project and Catholic Charities. To learn more about divorce and child custody options in Dallas and Collin Counties, please call 214-306-8441 to speak confidentially with a knowledgeable and considerate member of the Connatser Family Law team.

8 Key Considerations for Wealthy Couples During a Gray Divorce

Posted on Oct 31, 2017 in Connatser Family Law, Dallas Divorce, Divorce, Divorce and Business, Marriage, Texas Family Law

8 Key Considerations for Wealthy Couples During a Gray Divorce

By Douglas A. Harrison

With four decades of experience practicing family law in Texas, Connatser Family Law attorney Doug Harrison has helped hundreds of affluent clients navigate the complexities of divorce involving sizeable estates, family business concerns, trusts, retirement accounts, insurance and more. We asked Doug to shed some light on the unique challenges older, wealthy couples face during a gray divorce.

According to data analyzed by Pew Research, since 1990, the divorce rate has roughly doubled for adults ages 50 and above and tripled for those ages 65 and older. Clearly, gray divorce is on the rise, but why is this happening?

Two big contributing factors are that the baby boomer population is getting older, and they are living longer. Boomers are retiring in droves and their kids have left the nest, which means boomer couples are suddenly spending a lot more time alone together. Consequently, some couples realize all of that togetherness isn’t as great as they hoped. The disdain for extended one-on-one time – by either party or both – is exacerbated when one of the partners transitions from eight to ten hours a day in the office to 24/7 at home.

Following retirement, some couples also realize they have very different interests. Perhaps the wife is a real go-getter who loves to socialize and participate in cultural and civic endeavors, while the husband prefers to stay home and tinker around the house or play golf.

In addition, many gray divorces we see today are second or third marriages, which have a significantly higher failure rate.

While gray divorce can be complicated regardless of how much wealth is involved – learn about gray divorce and social security benefits here – affluent couples often face unique challenges, especially when divorcing later in life.

No. 1: Tax issues.

Most successful people in business try to take maximum advantage of the tax code. Consequently, couples getting divorced, when significant money, business concerns, and a long-term marriage are involved, have probably dealt with some tax issues along the way.

It also isn’t unusual for a couple to think everything is fine from a tax perspective, and then receive a notification from the IRS that they are being audited for a return from a few years back. As a result, the parties may find out there are significant taxes owed that need to be dealt with during the divorce and beyond. Caution is encouraged with respect to these types of issues.

No. 2: Estate plan changes.

Many affluent couples establish elaborate estate plans, trust agreements, and family limited partnerships to ensure family members are provided for over the long term and taxes are minimized. When a couple contemplates a gray divorce, confusion and disagreements can arise pertaining to how these components will serve family members post-divorce.

For example, when the couple created their estate plan, their goals were likely based on providing for the parties as a couple – not as individuals. Concurrently, wealthy couples often set up and contribute assets to family limited partnerships, under which both spouses, and possibly their children, own a percentage interest in that partnership. This ownership structure can result in a lower valuation of an individual’s interest in the partnership for estate tax purposes because of lack of control of the entity. This same issue would likely arise in a valuation for divorce purposes as well.

Should the couple decide to divorce, the parties often have different interests and goals. Essentially, they are now paddling the boat in different directions, as self-preservation kicks in! How the family limited partnership is valued and dispersed requires careful consideration during divorce.

Evaluating and analyzing trusts established during a marriage can also be complicated and, in some cases, frustrating. For example, many couples create irrevocable trusts that can’t be changed once put in place. However, those trusts could trigger long-lasting tax issues. While husbands and wives can leave any assets to each other without paying the estate tax, assets left to children, grandchildren and other people can trigger taxes in the future.

These are just a few of the many estate planning issues that can arise during a gray divorce. If you have similar concerns, make sure to hire a divorce attorney experienced in handling cases comparable to yours, who can recognize issues of this type and can engage appropriate tax and probate attorneys to resolve issues and problems.

No. 3: The future and value of family-owned businesses.

If a couple owns a business as part of their community estate – which happens frequently – the parties often view that business much like another child in the relationship and “custody” can become an issue.

If the parties agree to keep the business and share profits, the former spouses may disagree on what role the parties will play, how the business will be run, how financial information is disclosed to the spouse who is not in charge, what compensation will be paid to each respective spouse, as well as what direction is best for the business in the long term.

Selling the business is another option, but there can be wide disparities between appraisals of the business’ value, over which the parties may disagree. In addition, while many husbands and wives own equal parts of a family business, rarely do they participate equally in the running of that business. How should the differing levels of contribution affect the outcome of the divorce settlement as it pertains to the family business? Is there any personal goodwill attributable to the spouse who has been active in the business? Is there a date for the ultimate sale or is it open-ended?

We’ll take a deeper dive into valuing and dividing family businesses in an upcoming article. (You can also learn more about business prenups in this past post.)

No. 4: Selling the family home.

Even with wealthy couples, the family home may be a significant asset of the community estate. Couples who have a significant gain on their residence may want to consider selling the home prior to getting divorced, because they can shelter more gain on the house, as opposed to awarding the home to only one of the parties who will then sell.

If the house sells while the parties are still married, they can take advantage of a one-time $500,000 exclusion for capital gains. Conversely, if one of the parties is awarded the house in the divorce, and he or she decides to sell it afterward, that party is limited to one $250,000 exclusion of capital gains as an individual.

No. 5: Retirement and pension benefits.

When you look at the myriad of retirement plans and benefit packages made available to executives over the last 30 to 40 years – from stock options to top hat plans to phantom stock plans to restricted stock awards – those all have to be dealt with and carefully sorted out so both parties receive value and the tax implications are equitably considered in the allocation of such assets.

The vesting of certain interests is another factor to consider. Even if the party’s plan benefits aren’t fully vested, that doesn’t mean that value or a portion of such benefits can’t be allocated to the non-working spouse.

Pension plans also come up frequently in gray divorces. Some pension plans may already be in pay status with benefits currently being paid to the designated beneficiaries, and elections may have already been made that may or may not be modifiable with a change of circumstance. During the settlement process, the parties will need to consider how benefits will be paid and if there are survivor benefits that can or cannot be modified, and if not, how to compensate the non-employee spouse.

No. 6: Life and health insurance coverage.

Life insurance policies are often included in estate plans, which can lead to awkward situations. In many cases, wealthy clients purchase a “second to die” life insurance policy that insures both parties but only pays on the death of the last party. The premiums on a policy of this type are normally lower than individual policies. Frequently, these policies are used to fund trusts. This raises the issue of who will pay the premiums following the divorce. If one party says he or she wants to keep life insurance on the other’s life, that could raise suspicions (crazy or not), while others may simply view it as improper or unacceptable.

On the other hand, depending on a person’s age and station in life, he or she may not be able to purchase insurance anymore. Consequently, the party may need to hang on to that policy or find out if there is a way to place the policy into a trust where there are mutual benefits for everybody.

With health costs skyrocketing, the loss of health insurance is also a key consideration during many gray divorces. Some people can take advantage of Cobra insurance up to 36 months, which can provide the protection they need as they adjust to other insurance benefits available to them, such as Medicare. If you’re concerned about health insurance coverage, you may want to ask for compensation for coverage in the divorce settlement. Also, be aware that there are “savvy” insurance consultants who can offer sage advice.

No. 7: Social security benefits.

The timing of the entry of the Decree of Divorce can make a difference in whether a spouse can or will receive a portion of the other spouse’s social security benefits. The parties must have been married for 10 years before divorce for the non-employee spouse to receive benefits from the employee spouse’s work. A strategic approach is to carefully select the date of divorce to maximize the social security benefits for the non-employee spouse.

No. 8: Alimony.

If one party is continuing to earn a large income, contractual alimony is an excellent tool to help support the other spouse, giving a tax deduction for the working spouse and taxable income for the non-working spouse. Sometimes, this approach can actually “finance” the settlement.

Consider a collaborative gray divorce

Since 2001, the state of Texas has allowed couples to settle their marital differences across the table from one another through collaborative divorce. During the collaborative process, the divorcing parties can avoid the spotlight and contentious environment often associated with litigated divorce.

Collaborative law, while not for everybody, can be a good choice for couples with significant estates, who love and care about their families and would like to end their marriage with a sense of dignity. Collaborative law is an excellent process choice for clients who recognize and realize that they will have future encounters, business transactions and social/family relations in the future.

On the other hand, some older wealthy couples choose to stay married but live separate lives, often in separate residences. In such instances, ask your family law attorney whether a postmarital agreement makes sense for your circumstances and future financial relationships.

Are you contemplating an affluent gray divorce? Seek out expert advice

The business, property and personal complexities involved in affluent gray divorces are many. To ensure you end up with a settlement that best fits your and your family’s needs, contact a divorce attorney who has extensive experience representing wealthy clients near you.

Douglas A. Harrison is a veteran family lawyer known throughout Texas for his expert handling of complex business and property settlements in divorce. To learn more about options for gray divorce in Dallas and Collin Counties, please call 214-306-8441 to speak confidentially with a knowledgeable and compassionate member of the Connatser Family Law team.

DISCLOSURE: The preceding is provided for informational purposes only and should not be construed as tax, financial or legal advice. Contact tax, financial and legal professionals for advice pertaining to your individual circumstances.

 

Photo Source: Adobe Stock

Lend a Hand: 5 Big and Small Ways to Help Victims of Domestic Violence Now

Posted on Oct 3, 2017 in Coparenting, Dallas Divorce, Divorce, Divorce and Privacy, Domestic Violence, Marriage, Texas Family Law

Lend a Hand: 5 Big and Small Ways to Help Victims of Domestic Violence Now

During the time it takes you to read this story, 30 women will be assaulted during acts of domestic violence. On behalf of those moms, aunts, sisters, daughters, cousins, friends and neighbors – and their children – Connatser Family Law asked Jan Langbein, CEO at Genesis Women’s Shelter & Support in Dallas, what we all can do to make a difference.

When we spoke to Langbein, the shootings of a domestic violence victim and her eight friends (one who survived) in Plano, Texas were fresh in her mind.

“Our community is still reeling from the mass homicide in Plano during a football watching party. The woman did exactly what we tell victims of domestic violence to do – which is get out of an abusive relationship and surround yourself with friends. She had no idea how much danger she was in, and her friends certainly didn’t either,” Langbein says.

Ready to “get out?” Here’s information on how to leave an abusive relationship and protect your kids.

In order to make a difference, Langbein says, “We all have a responsibility to know the signs of domestic violence long before a tragedy like the one in Plano ever happens.”

Common signs, actions or traits of someone who is likely to be an abuser:

  • Hyper-vigilant, such as needing to know where his partner is every moment of the day.
  • Extremely jealous.
  • Transfers blame for problems he contributed to.
  • Aggressive with wait staff or other service professionals.
  • Does or says things that make your hair stand up on end.

Common signs, actions or traits of a victim of abuse:

  • Unexplained bruises.
  • Days missed from work that seem excessive or unexplainable.
  • Change in patterns or behavior, such as not going out as much.
  • Limiting or halting communications with family and friends.

People need to be more proactive about stepping up when something seems off or intuition tells them a woman or child may be in peril. Langbein recently experienced this situation at the DFW Airport.

As she explains, “I was waiting at the gate for my flight to board, and a man was really going off on his wife and yelling at her. My gut told me she was at serious risk for getting hurt. When she got up to go to the bathroom, I followed her in and gave her my business card – I didn’t do it in front of him.”

Langbein strongly believes it’s our responsibility as human beings to say something if we see something, even when it feels uncomfortable.

“We need to step up long before a woman starts thinking about leaving her abuser or entering a shelter. This requires a change in mindset, where we acknowledge that everyone needs to play a part in ending domestic violence. We also need to do so 365 days a year, not just the 31 days during Domestic Violence Awareness Month,” Langbein says.

Five ways you can help – before, during and after a victim of domestic violence seeks help

 

No. 1: Change your mindset and take responsibility.

According to Langbein, “Domestic violence happens everywhere. After the Plano shooting, I heard people say, ‘I can’t believe it happened in Plano.’ That’s where the problem resides. You can’t be surprised if it happens down the street because it happens everywhere. It’s not an economic thing, and it’s not an education thing. It’s about power and control.” When you see something, say something.

 

No. 2: Know what resources are available in your community.

Don’t feel like you have to “fix things” for that person. Even if you can’t provide financial support or a place to stay, you can point that person to resources and organizations that can help “fix things” for the victim. Here are a few to consider:

  • National Domestic Violence Hotline (NDVH) at 1-800-799-SAFE (7233), or TTY 1-800-787-3224 and website at thehotline.org.
  • Teens can contact the National Teen Dating Abuse Helpline at 1-866-331-9474 or TTY 1-866-331-8453 or visit loveisrespect.org.
  • Genesis Women’s Shelter & Support website http://www.genesisshelter.org/ and phone (214) 946-HELP (4357) (for Dallas area residents).

No. 3: Let the victim know that shelters offer more than a safe haven.

“Many shelters are a one-stop shop. We’re here to walk alongside the victim during the process. In addition to shelter, we can connect women and their children with counseling and legal support and provide clothing, toiletries, emergency funds, medical assistance and just about anything these families need to start over,” Langbein explains.

Learn more about legal protections available to domestic violence victims in Texas here.

 

No. 4: Donate time, money and items women need.

The same items people donated to the victims of hurricanes Harvey and Irma are all things shelters need 365 days a year: Bottled water, clothing, furniture, housewares, diapers, baby wipes, socks, underwear and feminine hygiene products.

According to Langbein, “It will take years to recover from the tragedy in Houston, it was a shock. Unfortunately, most people aren’t shocked when that other flood comes. Whether you call him Harvey, Steve, Bob or Roberto, it’s the same thing for victims of domestic violence. They lose everything when they walk away.”

Langbein also encourages people to volunteer their time to answer phones at a shelter or help support a fundraising event. “Those who are financially able can get a team together for our charity golf tournament or sponsor a table at one of our luncheons. If you don’t have financial means, clean out your closets or roll up your sleeves and volunteer,” she says.

 

No. 5: Encourage victims to create a safety plan right away.

Genesis provides helpful information on the safety planning page on its website. In the meantime, here are a few recommendations you can share with a friend or family member who is at risk:

  • Open a checking or savings account and a post office box in your own name.
  • Leave money, a set of keys, copies of important documents, extra clothes and medicines in a safe place or with someone you trust.
  • Identify a safe place where you and your children can go or someone who can lend you money.
  • Have a packed bag ready at a friend or relative’s house.
  • Identify one or more neighbors who will call the police if a disturbance is coming from your home.
  • Devise a code word or sign (such as turning on a particular light) to use with your children, family, friends, and neighbors when you need them to call 911 for help.

Family violence is a crisis we can all play a role in eradicating. Challenge yourself and your friends to do something – big or small – today. Something as simple as sharing this article on social media could save a life.

 

Click any of the social sharing buttons below to encourage others to help.

Photo Source: Adobe Stock

Want to Keep Costs in Check During a Divorce? Avoid These 8 Mistakes

Posted on Sep 19, 2017 in Dallas Divorce, Divorce, Divorce and Business, Marriage, Uncategorized

Want to Keep Costs in Check During a Divorce? Avoid These 8 Mistakes

By Aubrey Connatser

Getting divorced can be a costly undertaking, especially if your case ends up going to trial. Unfortunately, some people end up spending more in attorney’s fees than necessary. The good news? If you are planning to divorce, you can rein in costs simply by avoiding the following mistakes.

Mistake No. 1: Picking the wrong divorce lawyer

It’s extremely important to have a good rapport with the person who will be navigating the divorce process with you. Parties who don’t see eye to eye with their divorce attorneys, typically end up with less consistency in strategy and more time spent in meetings.

For example, say you are someone who hopes to settle your divorce as amicably as possible. If you hire an attorney who prefers to handle contentious divorces, you will spend a lot of time and money trying to reach a consensus regarding what to do and why.

Not sure how to find the right attorney for your circumstances? Aubrey provides six essential tips for hiring a divorce attorney here.

Remember, divorce lawyers bill by the hour. When you have confidence in your lawyer, you probably won’t question him or her as much (not that you shouldn’t question your attorney). In addition, you will probably be more inclined to trust his or her judgment and spend less time agreeing on a strategy.

Mistake No. 2: Using your divorce attorney as a therapist

Initially, it can be a good thing to explain to your lawyer what led up to your divorce emotionally, because that helps inform him or her as to where you are from a mental health perspective. However, extensively relying on an attorney for emotional support can get expensive. Therapists tend to charge much less than lawyers – depending on who you hire.

Mistake No. 3: Not understanding your divorce lawyer’s fee contract

Different lawyers charge different fees, so be sure to review how time is billed before signing a contract. Inquire about the lawyer’s hourly rate and how you will be billed for time other people in the firm spend working on your case, such as paralegals and law clerks.

You should also ask what sort of retainer is required. Technically, retainers are refundable, so find out what the law firm’s policy is regarding timing of refunds. In addition, find out how the firm bills incremental time entries – by the tenth of an hour, quarter of an hour, etc.

Being prepared can help smooth the divorce process. Check out the 18 helpful tools in our divorce toolkit here.

Mistake No. 4: Communicating inefficiently with your attorney

If you want to keep costs in check, communicate efficiently with your divorce attorney. For example, instead of sending 10 emails throughout the day, send one email with 10 questions at the end of the day. Every time you contact your lawyer, you will be billed for that time – so refrain from hitting “send” whenever possible.

You may even consider scheduling a weekly meeting with the attorney and set aside any questions that need to be addressed for that time. That doesn’t mean you can’t communicate more frequently when necessary, but in the long run, weekly meetings can increase efficiency and reduce billable hours significantly.

Mistake No. 5: Not reviewing paperwork for accuracy

Carefully review any pleadings to ensure everything is accurate from a fact standpoint before they are filed on your behalf. This step can help reduce hourly fees related to correcting mistakes and inaccuracies later.

Mistake No. 6: Keeping things from your attorney

You should never lie to your doctor, and you should never lie to your divorce lawyer either. Lawyers can’t help you if they don’t know the truth, and you’ll only end up hurting yourself – and increasing the cost of your divorce – if you are not forthcoming.

Filing for divorce in Dallas or Collin County? Here are 12 things you need to know about divorce in Texas.

Mistake No. 7: Not communicating with your spouse

To the extent that it is possible, if you and your spouse can keep an open line of communication and agree upon some issues together, less time and money will be spent relying on lawyers to handle things for you.

Even if you can’t agree on the big issues – which your lawyer should be tackling anyway – there may be little things the two of you can sort out without getting attorneys involved.

In addition, delaying settling with your spouse due to anger and resentment can get expensive, too. Try to put your feelings aside, so your divorce doesn’t drag on, otherwise your attorney’s fees will continue to escalate.

Mistake No. 8: Not filing first

While it doesn’t make much difference if you don’t go to trial, filing for divorce first is usually advantageous if you DO go to trial. Preparing for a case is a lot more time consuming for lawyers when they have to present second at trial. If you file first, then your attorney will present first when your case goes to court.

Since founding Connatser Family Law in 2013, Aubrey Connatser and her team have firmly established the next in a line of great Texas divorce and family law firms. To learn more about divorce and child custody in Dallas and Collin Counties, please call 214-306-8441 to speak confidentially with a knowledgeable and compassionate member of the Connatser Family Law team.

 

Photo Source: Adobe Stock

Top 5 Questions About Same-Sex Marriage, Divorce and Child Custody in Texas – Post SCOTUS Marriage Ban Repeal

Posted on Aug 31, 2017 in Dallas Divorce, Divorce, Marriage, Texas Family Law

Top 5 Questions About Same-Sex Marriage, Divorce and Child Custody in Texas – Post SCOTUS Marriage Ban Repeal

By Abby Gregory

More than two years have passed since the Supreme Court of the United States (SCOTUS) overruled the state of Texas’ ban on same-sex marriage. Dallas divorce attorney Abby Gregory weighs in on how the SCOTUS ruling has – and has not – changed family law concerns for same-sex couples in Texas.

As attorneys at a Dallas-based family law firm, people often ask us how the SCOTUS ruling has affected same-sex couples in the Texas family law courts. Five of the most common questions regarding same-sex marriage, divorce and child custody follow, along with insight from the Connatser Family Law team.

No. 1: How is same-sex divorce different from a divorce between a heterosexual couple?

Most aspects of a same-sex divorce are pretty straightforward and similar to a traditional divorce. However, since gay marriage has only been legal in Texas for two years, we have had to deal with more cases where a common law marriage was involved and the couple does not have a marriage license.

In order to prove a common law marriage in Texas couples have to meet three requirements:

  • They agree to be married.
  • They live together in the state of Texas.
  • They hold themselves out to be husband and wife, husband and husband, or wife and wife. Technically, the statute only addresses “husband and wife,” so there is some loose interpretation there that will need to be addressed by the courts.

Once a common law marriage has been established, the divorce comes down to the dividing of any assets, property, financial accounts, benefits and debts – just as you would in a heterosexual divorce.

No. 2: How has the legalization of same-sex marriage had an impact on your clients?

The most obvious answer is that we are now able to facilitate same-sex divorces for our Texas clients. When gay marriage was illegal in Texas, we were unable to help same-sex couples get divorced here, because the state didn’t consider those couples to be legally married.

No. 3: What issues do you foresee arising for same-sex couples who want to divorce now that they can legally do so?

In the short term, the biggest issue for many gay divorces in Texas will likely be coming to an agreement regarding the common law marriage date. For couples with sizeable assets, determining the date of marriage is critical, because that is when division of assets pertaining to community property starts.

If the couples were legally married in another state that previously recognized same-sex marriage, that would eliminate this concern.

As the years go by this issue will lessen, because same-sex couples that marry following the SCOTUS ruling can be issued a dated Texas marriage license – whereas prior to the ruling they could not.

No. 4: Does the SCOTUS ruling change how child custody issues in Texas are handled?

Just because you’re married doesn’t mean that you are the legal parent of a child in your household. That’s why it is so important for a party who is not the biological parent to go through legal proceedings to ensure he or she has parental rights by legally adopting the child.

Without a formal adoption, the non-biological party will have no legal grounds pertaining to parental rights, should the couple decide to divorce.

If the child is the non-biological child of both parties, they will want to make sure to go through a second adoption (after one party legally adopts the child) to ensure both parents have legal rights to the child.

Prior to Obergerfell, this was the only way to guarantee that both parents in a same-sex relationship had equal parental rights to a child, as only a married couple could adopt a child together (simultaneously in the same proceeding). It will be interesting to see how adoption proceedings change, now that same-sex couples are legally recognized as married.

To learn how the Connatser Family Law team helped a wonderful mom navigate her same-sex custody dispute, read Inez’ story here.

No. 5: On June 30, 2017, the Texas Supreme Court ruled that the 2015 SCOTUS ruling doesn’t guarantee spousal benefits for gay couples. How do you see this interpretation of the ruling – and others – playing out?

Essentially, what the Texas Supreme Court said is that the reach and ramifications regarding the rights of married gay couples remain to be determined. Individual employers, the state of Texas, even different counties and cities could push back regarding rights related to marriage.

Many individual rulings that don’t extend the same rights to married gay couples as they do to married heterosexual couples will probably end up back in the hands of SCOTUS.

Abby Gregory is a compassionate Dallas divorce attorney with a substantial record in litigation, collaboration and Texas family law. A graduate of Fordham University College of Law, Abby committed herself to community service during her tenure at Fordham and received the Archibald R. Murray Public Service Award, summa cum laude, based on her extensive pro bono and community work for Lawyers for Children, the Innocence Project and others. To learn more about divorce and child custody in Dallas and Collin Counties, please call 214-306-8441 to speak confidentially with a member of the Connatser Family Law team.

 

Photo Source: Adobe Stock

As Gray Divorces Increase, Social Security Benefits Become More Important

Posted on Aug 30, 2017 in Dallas Divorce, Divorce, Divorce and Business, Texas Family Law

As Gray Divorces Increase, Social Security Benefits Become More Important

Aubrey Connatser and Guy Rodgers, Texas Lawyer

Dramatic increases in the number of older people getting divorced these days have brought to light social security rules that provide additional benefits to divorced people who qualify.

These “gray” or Baby Boomer divorces are more common than ever before. A study from the National Center for Family and Marriage found that the U.S. divorce rate for couples age 50 and older doubled between 1990 and 2010, and was even higher for those over 65.

The main concern of most people who divorce late in life is whether they will have enough money to live comfortably the rest of their lives. Divorce can drain the coffers of people in their 60s and 70s who may not have a way to rebuild their finances afterward. These older people need a pathway to security, and social security can be an important part of finding that pathway.

Social security benefits are based on how long a person has worked, how much money is earned and when the person starts taking benefits. Social security retirement benefits can start at age 62. Full retirement age of people born between 1943 and 1954 is 66 years of age, while benefits max out at age 70.

People who may not have worked for wages (such as housewives), worked for low wages or in jobs where social security taxes were not taken out through payroll deduction, may not qualify to receive much of a benefit. Eligibility for certain benefits can also depend on marital status. For divorced, divorcing and married people alike, the key is knowing the most advanced strategies and aggressively pursuing benefits.

Claimants must file to determine their benefits, even if they question their eligibility. The Social Security Administration will not come after people waving money.

Those who might not otherwise qualify for benefits may be eligible for divorced spousal benefits. A divorced spouse can collect social security retirement benefits based on the work record of an ex- husband or wife under strict conditions. For purposes of this explanation, the spouse filing on the benefits of an ex will be called the filing spouse. The spouse who earned the benefits being filed on will be called the earning spouse.

The rules for collecting divorced spousal benefits are as follows:

Both the filing spouse and the earning spouse must be at least 62 years of age.

The couple must have been married for at least 10 years and divorced for two years.

The filing spouse must be unmarried at the time of filing. The marital status of the earning spouse is not a factor.

The filing spouse cannot be eligible for a higher benefit based on his or her own work record.

For the filing spouse to collect, the earning spouse must be entitled to receive benefits but doesn’t have to be receiving them at the time of filing.

No one has to ask an ex’s permission to file and there doesn’t have to be any contact between the exes during this process. Even if the earning spouse is remarried, this filing won’t affect the right to divorcee benefits, nor will it affect his or her retirement benefits or that of a current spouse. Only if the filing spouse remarries will he or she become ineligible for these benefits.

Syndicated columnist Tom Margenau recently told the story of a divorced couple, both age 66, who filed on each other’s benefits. For four years, each of them received 50 percent of their ex’s full social security benefit, and it was perfectly legal. This kept their own benefits intact until age 70, when they switched to their own full benefit plus the 32 percent bonus that goes with delaying retirement benefits until 70. This strategy is applicable only to people born before 1954.

Note that if a person qualifies for more than one set of benefits, in most cases he or she will collect on only the larger one.

A variation on the divorced spousal benefit is the divorced survivor benefit. If an earning spouse dies, after being married for at least 10 years and divorced for at least two years, the filing spouse can collect up to 100 percent of the amount the deceased was to receive. These benefits are available to divorced spouses as early as 60 years of age, or 50 if the survivor is disabled.

With the increase in divorce among older people, and with people living longer, these benefits have become more important for supplementing the money available to people coming out of a divorce.

Social Security is an important part of retirement income, but it isn’t intended to provide for everything. It should be just one piece of a person’s overall retirement strategy. Family law attorneys should explain these benefits to their divorcing clients or team up with a qualified planner with more experience interpreting the arcane rules of social security.

Aubrey Connatser is a Board Certified Dallas family lawyer who can be reached at aubrey@connatserfamilylaw.com. Guy Rodgers is a Mansfield financial adviser and Board Certified family lawyer at guy@grpws.com. For more information on social security benefits, visit www.ssa.gov.

Copyright 2017. ALM Media Properties, LLC. All rights reserved.

The Good, Bad and Ugly Sides of Nesting During Divorce

Posted on Aug 9, 2017 in Connatser Family Law, Coparenting, Dallas Divorce, Divorce

The Good, Bad and Ugly Sides of Nesting During Divorce

By Christine Powers Leatherberry

Divorce can be very stressful for children, especially early on as they adjust to the reality of their parents’ breakup. To ease the blow, some parents consider nesting, where the children remain in the marital residence after the divorce is filed, and the parents rotate in and out on a set schedule.

The good side of nesting? It helps maintain normalcy for the children

Nesting really helps smooth the transition to a post-divorce family by maintaining normalcy and the status quo for children. Their home environment doesn’t change, they get to sleep in the same bed and take a bath in the same bathtub. Plus, all of their toys are within reach.

One such Connaster Family Law client, Frank Jones,* experienced the ups and downs of nesting firsthand.

“The big pro to nesting in our case was my son was able to stay in his own room, and we could go play ball in the backyard like we always had. He didn’t have to pack a backpack and shuffle back and forth between two households. Essentially, he could continue on with his life in the same place he had always called home,” Frank says.

Not sure how to tell your children you’re getting divorced? Get some excellent insight here: Break the News with Care: How to Tell Kids You’re Getting Divorced

Also good: Nesting can simplify finances and help parents save money

Along with easing the blow for children, nesting does offer other benefits. It gives the parties more time to decide who will live in the marital residence long-term, if either party wants to.

In addition, if the parties live with parents or another family member when it isn’t their turn to live in the marital residence, they may be able to save money. Nesting can simplify finances, too, because the parties likely will continue to pay the same bills – mortgage, utilities, etc. – as they did in the past.

So, nesting can work well for some families during the early stages of divorce, but it isn’t a workable solution for most people in the long-term. Frank and his ex-wife nested for nearly a year and a half, and by the end, they were both ready to move on.

The bad and ugly side of nesting? Painful memories, house cleaning disputes, life in limbo and privacy concerns

Most family law clients who have agreed to a nesting arrangement do so for the sake of their children, but they find it can be personally challenging and stressful over the long-term.

Memories

… From the outset, living in the marital residence was never comfortable for Frank, because his ex had an affair in the home.

As he explains, “During my time in the house, I wanted to create normalcy for my son and do what I had to do to get custody. Unfortunately, many painful memories lingered there due to the affair. I wanted to distance myself, but every time I walked through the door I kept reliving those memories.”

Life in limbo

… Many parents also feel unsettled because their possessions move between two places and they never know in what state they will find the house when it’s their turn to move back in.

According to Frank, “If you leave anything behind at the house, you may not have access to it until you return. I eventually moved all of my personal items to my parents’ home and packed a backpack with essentials when it was my time to stay at the house. With nesting, if almost feels like you’re in limbo and traveling all the time, but you have to plan and reinvent yourself.”

Housekeeping nightmares

… Cleanliness is one of the biggest issues our clients argue about with the other parent. We often see emails about the house being filthy, high chairs not being cleaned, toys are not put away, dirty laundry that hasn’t been washed. Divorce is stressful, tensions are high and some people deliberately try to sabotage and annoy the other party.

Keeping the refrigerator stocked was another challenge for Frank. “I finally realized that it was best to pick up my son and head straight to the grocery store so we knew what we’d be having for dinner,” Frank says.

Private information compromised

… We always caution clients to take steps to ensure the other party won’t have access to any confidential or privileged information from attorneys or any consultants working on their case. The best thing to do is remove any shared computers from the home and set up separate email and cloud accounts.

For more insight on keeping private communications secure, check out this recent post: How to Avoid the Pitfalls of Technology During Divorce and Child Custody Disputes

Somebody’s watching you

… Moving in and out of a shared home can also put parties at risk for being spied upon. Recording devices and video cameras could be installed in the home. We’ve even had clients who found GPS tracking devices mounted on shared vehicles.

Is nesting right for you? Short and sweet is usually best

Clients often ask us what the optimum period of time is for a nesting arrangement. The answer? The shortest period of time possible. Nesting really can work well from the time the divorce is filed until the temporary orders hearing is held – if there is one – and even up to a month or two.

It’s when couples get to that three-month mark and beyond when nesting can become a nightmare for parents. The best option is for the parties to start living separate lives as soon as they are financially able to do so.

The sooner the parents start acting like they are divorced, the sooner the kids will become accustomed to the idea. (Check out this recent post for information on smoothing the transition for children: 5 Valuable Resources to Help Kids Cope When Parents Split.)

While Frank doesn’t regret the early days of nesting, he knew his son would need to face the reality of the divorce eventually.

As he explains, “At some point the child’s life will change, there is no soft landing. When the house was sold, my son ended up bouncing between my parents’ house and my ex’s house. It was a strange transition for him, and kids do take the brunt of it. But now there’s a new normal, and he’s adjusted well.”

Christine Powers Leatherberry is a compassionate family lawyer who is equally comfortable in the courtroom as she is counseling her clients one-on-one. She is a past chair of the Dallas Junior Board of the Big Brothers Big Sisters and was a Big Sister to the same Little for 11 years. To learn more about divorce and child custody in Dallas and Collin Counties, please call 214-306-8441 to speak confidentially with a knowledgeable and considerate member of the Connatser Family Law team.

* Client’s name and minor details have been changed.

Photo Source: Adobe Stock