Thinking About Dating During Divorce? 7 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t

By Aubrey Connatser If you’re in the process of a divorce and thinking about getting back into the dating scene, you may want to think twice. Not only can dating during divorce potentially jeopardize your divorce settlement and child custody arrangement, it can rock the emotions of everyone involved. Before you start downloading dating apps, consider the following reasons NOT to date during divorce. No. 1: It could take longer to finalize your divorce. If your spouse hasn’t come to terms with your split – which usually takes time – finding out that you’re dating someone else probably isn’t going to go over well with them. Depending on his or her current state of mind, it could feel like you’re pouring salt on their wounds, or you could end up fanning the flames of their anger. People who are upset and/or angry are typically less likely to want to make life easy for you or work with you to settle the divorce amicably. They could very well want to make you feel as miserable as they do, which in some cases, means drawing the divorce case out. No. 2: It could jeopardize your divorce settlement. In Texas, the judge will consider a couple legally married until their divorce decree is signed, sealed and delivered. An affair either party has prior to the divorce being finalized could be considered adultery, which could support a fault-based judgment against the adulterer, since adultery is one of the seven grounds for divorce in Texas. The issue here is that questions could be raised as to whether community funds are being used to pay for entertainment, gifts, loans or trips for a lover, leaving you subject to a reimbursement or waste claim. If the judge finds that misuse of community monies has occurred, your spouse could be awarded a larger portion of the community estate when all is said and done. No. 3: It could intensify the angst your children are feeling. Going through a divorce is a tumultuous time for everyone involved, but children can take it especially hard. Bringing someone new into the mix can be confusing and stressful for children. Plus, the time you spend dating or with a new lover is precious time taken away from your kids. Don’t underestimate the fragility of your child’s mental health right now – they need as much attention as you are able to give. Check out this past post where Aubrey shares five valuable resources to help kids cope during divorce. No. 4: It could complicate co-parenting and child custody. If your spouse is hurt or angry that you’re dating someone else, how eager do you think he or she will be to amicably co-parent and share custody with you? They may also have concerns about your child spending time with your new lover and whether that will affect the child negatively. Don’t be surprised if the other parent fights tooth and nail over every item in the parenting agreement or if they’re unwilling to let you keep your child an extra day for a special trip. No. 5: It could cost you more to get divorced. Whenever you do anything that complicates or drags out your divorce, you’ll most likely end up paying more fees to your attorney. If your spouse isn’t pleased that you’re dating before your divorce is finalized, your case could get prolonged, and therefore more expensive, if your spouse pursues relief from the court to keep the kids from being around your new love interest. Want to keep costs in check during your divorce? Avoid these eight mistakes....

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The Seven Grounds for Divorce in Texas and Why They Matter

By Alissa Castro At some point or another, you’ve probably heard the phrase – “That’s grounds for divorce!” Whether it was on T.V. or during a couple’s argument you accidentally overheard, “grounds for divorce” has long been a part of the fabric of America. But what are the grounds for divorce, and why do they matter? It all depends on where you file for divorce. What are the grounds for divorce in Texas? In Texas, there are seven grounds for divorce spelled out in the family code. These include both fault grounds and no-fault grounds. That’s right – you don’t have to prove fault grounds in order to get a divorce in Texas. However, the grounds on which you base your request for divorce may affect the outcome of your divorce settlement. Sound confusing? Let’s break it down, starting with the three no-fault grounds, where neither party is at fault for the marriage breaking down, but circumstances exist where the marriage is no longer viable for one or both parties. Texas no-fault grounds include: Insupportability. These grounds are commonly referred to as irreconcilable differences. To prove insupportability, you have to show that the marriage is insupportable because of a discord or conflict of personalities that destroys the legitimate ends of the marital relationship and prevents any reasonable expectation of reconciliation. Insupportability is one of the most common grounds people use to file for divorce in Texas. In layman’s terms, the person has filed because they no longer see eye-to-eye with their spouse or living with the spouse has become intolerable for some reason. Living apart. If two spouses have lived apart without cohabitating for three years or more – at the time of the trial – that could support living apart grounds for divorce. In these types of cases, the court typically views the arrangement as something both parties agreed to, based on the fact that they have lived apart for so long. Living apart grounds can play a role in the just and right division of the estate. For example, say one party claims she hasn’t seen her spouse in over five years, and she doesn’t know where to find him. The court might award her everything in her possession, provided she meets certain conditions, such as taking steps to serve him papers, even if that means serving a notice in the newspaper. Confinement to a mental hospital. People become mentally incompetent for a variety of reasons, whether due to mental illness, as the result of an accident or another cause. What’s key here is that the party must have been confined for at least three years and the severity of their mental disorder is to the degree that it’s unlikely to improve and, if it does, relapse of the disorder is very likely. While confinement may be grounds for divorce, the statute was also put in place to help protect the confined person’s interests and the just and right division of property. The court will likely appoint a guardian ad litem to represent the person who is confined. If you say, “Oh well, they’re confined, so I should get everything in the estate,” you probably won’t be granted the divorce! The role of fault-grounds in Texas divorce The difference between no-fault grounds and fault grounds is pretty straightforward. With fault grounds, someone is actually found at fault for the divorce. Again, you don’t have to prove fault grounds to get a divorce in Texas. However, if you claim certain fault grounds – like adultery – and the judge doesn’t buy your argument, he or she could still...

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Is Being a Single Dad Hazardous for Your Health? 6 Longevity-Boosting Tips

A recent study published in The Lancet Public Health revealed that single fathers face a significantly higher risk of early death than single mothers or parents in a relationship. In fact, single dads were twice as likely to die during the research period than other parents involved in the 11-year Canadian study. While the researchers couldn’t pinpoint exactly why these dads were at higher risk, they did find that single fathers in the study tended to lead less healthy lifestyles than the other parents. Hoping to gain custody of your kids after divorce? Check out our past post on the five crucial steps dads should take to get custody in Texas. Could your single dad lifestyle use a little house cleaning? There is no question that single parenting is hard work. However, that doesn’t mean health should take a back seat to the other responsibilities you’re juggling. More important, your kids need you around for love and support – whether that means walking your daughter down the aisle or giving your son advice when he faces challenges of his own. If you want to be there for your kids for years to come, take a proactive approach to good health. Here are a few tips to get the ball rolling. Tip No. 1: Put your binge drinking days behind you. The Lancet study revealed that single dads were more likely to binge drink than other parents. Guess what? Binge drinking poses serious health risks. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC), binge drinking (typically five or more drinks in a two-hour span for men, four or more for women) increases the risk for unintentional injuries (car accidents, falls, burns, etc.), high blood pressure, stroke, heart disease, liver disease, poor brain health, cancer and more. It can also lead to alcohol dependency. Speak with your doctor if you need help getting sober. If you don’t, it could negatively impact your ability to get custody or time with your kids. Tip No. 2: Man up and start getting annual physicals. Whether they see it as a sign of weakness, are afraid to find out something serious is wrong with them or feel uncomfortable undergoing certain tests (like prostate exams), many men avoid going to the doctor like the plague. Unfortunately, avoiding the doctor is another way men put their health more at risk than women, who are more likely to see a doctor annually or when they don’t feel well. Heart disease is the No. 1 killer of men, however many of the risk factors for heart disease, like high blood pressure and cholesterol issues, don’t present symptoms people can feel. Fortunately, heart disease can often be prevented when risk factors are diagnosed and treated early on. So, pick up the phone and schedule a physical. If you have sons, this is also a great opportunity to set a good example and help them get comfortable with having annual physicals. Tip No. 3: Opt for a cleaner, heart-healthy diet. Another possible risk factor for single dads’ shorter life spans may be unhealthy eating habits. As the Lancet researchers pointed out, single fathers in the study ate fewer fruits and vegetables than their counterparts. The American Heart Association (AHA) recommends following a healthy diet plan that includes nutrient-rich foods with a balance of fruits and vegetables, minerals, lean protein, whole grains, nuts, legumes and non-tropical vegetable oils. In addition, the AHA suggests limiting sodium, saturated fats, trans fats, and sugar. Eating more fresh, unprocessed foods is a great first step to getting the nutrients you need and avoiding the...

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Royal Wedding: Should Prince Harry and Meghan Markle Get a Prenup?

By Christine Powers Leatherberry Britain’s Prince Harry and actress-philanthropist Meghan Markle are scheduled to wed May 19, 2018. Prince Harry’s net worth is estimated at $40 million, while Markle’s net worth is speculated to be around $5 million. MarketWatch also reports that she will not return to her role in the popular TV series “Suits,” and she shut down her lifestyle website “The Tig” last spring. By all accounts, Markle is all in when it comes to joining the Royal Family. She even deleted all of her social media accounts recently. However, the question remains, will the couple sign a premarital agreement before they walk down the aisle? Neither his father, Prince Charles, nor his brother, Prince William, signed prenups prior to getting married. Quitting your job for marriage or have considerable wealth in your family? Consider a prenup Premarital agreements can provide a number of benefits for both monied and non-monied parties. They can allow wealthy individuals to protect their assets, provide peace of mind for the lesser-monied party and potentially help couples avoid a litigious divorce. Since Markle has given up her career and income received through acting and endorsements, a prenup could provide financial resources to ease her back into life as a commoner should the couple split. For Prince Harry, a premarital agreement could protect his assets and those he is likely to inherit from his family – grandparents, Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Philip, and father, Prince Charles. Five things Prince Harry and Meghan Markle should consider including in their premarital agreement While laws pertaining to marriage, divorce and premarital agreements differ in the United Kingdom, many of the laws overseas are similar to those in the United States. Following are five things typically recommended for wealthy couples wanting a premarital agreement based on laws in Texas: No. 1: Keep individual property separate. Frequently referred to as a “roommate” prenup, this type of premarital agreement follows a “what’s mine is mine, and what’s yours is yours” philosophy. Many wealthy individuals want to ensure NO community property is created during the marriage. Instead, Prince Harry could agree to cover monthly living expenses and give Markle an allowance and other concessions, while requiring that she give up any community property rights. No. 2: Include a signing bonus. Some people view premarital agreements as a sign of distrust and may be reluctant to sign. To encourage the lesser-monied party to agree to a prenup, the wealthy party may offer a set dollar amount – or “signing bonus” – to be paid to the other party upon the signing of the agreement. No. 3: Address other financial considerations. Spelling out how much money the non-monied spouse will have at his or her disposal following the wedding is a good way to set expectations. Agreeing on specific budgets and clarifying potential payouts to be offered in the event of a divorce may also help couples avoid friction over money later on. Typical line items include: During the marriage: Monthly spending budget for miscellaneous expenses Shopping/clothing allowance Car/travel/entertainment allowance Upon divorce or death: Alimony or “exit bonus” based on duration of marriage should the couple divorce (may include cash, residence, jewels and other assets) Provisions for treatment of any retirement plans or employee benefits (in Prince Harry’s case, this may include benefits pertaining to his military service) Homestead rights – who will live in the couple’s home (or homes) after death, if the residence was separate property No. 4: Establish guidelines for disbursement of wills and trusts. Since Prince Harry is a member of a long-established family dynasty – the...

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Like, Share, Delete? How to Safely Navigate Social Media During Divorce

For better or worse, social media evidence plays a role in the majority of the cases our divorce lawyers handle every day. If you’re planning to divorce, it’s essential to understand how social media could affect the outcome of your divorce and follow best practices for managing social accounts. Deleting social media accounts and posts is a big no-no One of the first pieces of advice we give clients is DO NOT delete any of their social media accounts, posts, messages, conversations or comments. It’s true, anything you say and do on social media could be held against you. However, deleting accounts or posts that don’t represent you in a positive light is not a good idea, because a judge could find that you destroyed evidence, which is illegal. Just because you delete something, doesn’t mean the opposing party or his or her counsel didn’t find that evidence earlier and preserve a screen grab. Claiming that such evidence doesn’t exist, then having it revealed by your spouse’s attorney could harm your case. Judges don’t look favorably upon people who lie. Live your life like you’re being watched … Because the world IS watching. During a divorce, it’s best to assume that everything you post, message, share and like on social media will be scrutinized by your spouse’s attorney and your judge. While it’s typically best to avoid engaging with social media during a divorce, if you must post, post with care. Only share photos, videos or comments that are positive, such as a family outing or your child performing in a school play. At the same time, don’t think that you can just fake “nice” on social media either. Remember, smartphones are everywhere and someone could capture your bad behavior at anytime – even as you walk away from your child’s baseball game, five minutes after you posted that you were there. Learn how to prevent the cloud from scuttling your divorce in this helpful post. Don’t underestimate the power of social media as evidence Judges in the family courts take social media evidence very seriously and some are even intrigued by it. Video evidence can be especially compelling, because, depending on the content, it is typically more difficult to dispute than a photograph. Social media evidence can make or break your case; so don’t take it lightly. Talk with children about their social media habits While you may not want to stop your kids from using Snapchat, Instagram or Facebook completely, do have a conversation with them regarding what they should and shouldn’t post, like, message and share. It’s also helpful to explain to children that what they post may have consequences. Learn more about the pitfalls of technology during divorce and child custody disputes in this past post. For safety purposes, disable GPS or location access in social media apps Many social media apps allow you to tag your location or even assign a location to your post automatically. If you’re afraid your spouse could harm you or your children, it’s vital to take precautions to keep your location private. Check the settings for all social media apps on all of your digital devices – phones, tablets, laptops – and turn off each app’s access to your location. If you don’t know how, visit the store or service provider where you purchased the device and ask for help. Turn to your divorce attorney for additional guidance Social media apps and capabilities change practically every day, which means how social media factors into divorce cases continues to evolve. Since reputable divorce lawyers monitor social media’s influence on divorce...

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Parting Ways? Get in Gear with Our 10-Step Divorce Checklist

If you have decided to file for divorce or your spouse has already filed, taking time to organize your thoughts and plan next steps is essential. As with any big challenge, a checklist can set the wheels in motion and keep you on track. To help prepare, the Connatser Family Law team has created a handy divorce checklist to guide you. 10-Step Divorce Checklist Step 1: Organize financial records and pull credit reports. It’s important to analyze what assets and debts are at stake during a divorce. Key financial records to track down include: Bank accounts. 401ks, IRAs (individual retirement accounts), pensions and other retirement accounts. Investment accounts. Trust accounts. Stock portfolios. Wills Safe deposit boxes. Insurance policies (auto, home, health, life, etc.). W2s and other tax documents. Logins and passwords for financial accounts. It can also be helpful for both spouses to pull their credit reports to make sure all outstanding debts (credit cards, medical bills, auto loans, etc.) are taken into account. Step 2: Hire a divorce attorney. This step may sound obvious, but it’s one that shouldn’t be taken lightly. Your divorce lawyer is the key person who will help formulate a divorce strategy to align with your goals. Interviewing multiple attorneys prior to hiring one can help ensure attorney and client are on the same page. Check out Aubrey’s recent post, Wealthy and Getting Divorced? 6 Essential Tips for Hiring a Divorce Attorney, for additional insight. Step 3: Set the tone early on. If your goal is to have an amicable divorce, then you should communicate that intention from the get-go. When possible, it’s typically best to personally ask your spouse for a divorce as opposed to serving him or her with papers first. During the conversation, explain that you want to settle the divorce amicably, avoid high legal fees and treat each other fairly. Hearing these sentiments can help put your spouse’s mind at ease and get the process off to an amicable start. If you fear for your and/or your children’s safety, take precautions. Abby provides advice in this recent post: How to Leave an Abusive Relationship and Protect Your Kids. Step 4: Decide how and when to tell the children. Do so with the other parent if possible. Divorce can be especially hard on children. In fact, some kids even believe they are at fault for their parents’ divorce. Psychotherapist Linda Solomon, LPC, LCDC, LMFT shares invaluable advice here: Break the News with Care: How to Tell Kids You’re Getting Divorced. Step 5: Sort out living arrangements and budgetary details. Obviously, you need to figure out where each spouse (and children if you have them) will live. Who stays in the family home and for how long? Will you take turns or will someone move to an apartment or live with their parents? It typically proves beneficial to establish a budget, including living expenses and any other financial obligations, during the early stages of a divorce. Christine explains how living arrangements and other issues related to divorce are handled in her post: Calling It Quits? The Top 12 Things You Need to Know About Divorce in Texas. Step 6: Change passwords and create a new email account. While you can’t delete email, text, phone or social media accounts – such spoliation of evidence is illegal – you can change passwords on accounts that belong exclusively to you. This step is critical because it can deter your spouse from accessing those accounts and your private information – especially correspondence related to the divorce with your lawyer or other trusted professionals. Step 7: Untangle...

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